So Ive stopped writing tech articles anymore because recently Ive hit mid-life crisis (based on a pessimistic estimate that I’ll only live till 60 lol). With less places to go now (thanks Covid), I guess i do have more time to question myself how long do i intend to stay in the tech industry. Ive been in the tech industry for close to 6 years now and trust me, I’ve had my own share of joy and frustrations — flashbacks to the nights where I was stuck on code problems for hours — well, this is story for another time. What I really want to say is that, I started exploring another industry- counselling and mental health by enrolling in a 10-month Diploma in Counselling and Psychology.
Counselling has always been a vocation which intrigued me and apart from the first-hand experience myself, I didn’t really know much about the vocation itself. 5 months into the course, Im still intrigued and ive really learnt alot. i would I say I got a rough idea of what it is and here is me attempting to put my thoughts on my 5 months of learnings into words.
The Human Counsellor
As humans, we all have our own set of values and morals (what we think it’s right or wrong). Values and morals can be taught to us by our parents or be developed through experiences along this journey called life. They can include whether you think abortion is wrong or if it’s ok to cheat or commit adultery without telling your other half. To enter a counselling session with a client is tricky because you and your client may potentially have a value conflict. What happens then if a client is cheating in a relationship but is unwilling to let her partner know? If you feel strongly against this behaviour, to remain truly neutral in this circumstance without letting your own values surface would take a lot. Why not suppress your values during a session then? Because feelings would come up one way or another- if it’s not through words, it might come up in your micro-expressions or even actions. And we all know the more we try to suppress something, the more it appears (don’t think of a pink elephant).
In fact, only robots or AI can truly remain neutral in such a situation, but do we really want cold hearted tech to be doing counselling for us? (well, they already messed up covid and sex problems once, sorry Jamie, you just need more training)
Ethics of Counselling
The relationship between the counsellor and the client is a professional one, but what so unique about this relationship is that it is also an intimate one as well. Who the heck knows your deepest darkest secrets? Certainly not your parents. The counsellor and client relationship is an asymmetric one as the counsellor knows a lot of one-sided personal information about the clients and clients trust the counsellors as they are vulnerable with the counsellors during sessions.
Hence, the term boundary in counselling is a very tricky one. It is not advisable to provide counselling to friends or family as it constitutes a dual relationship. Dual relationships are relationships where the counsellor-client forms a separate relationship out of the session. These relationships can be tricky because prior knowledge about the client can affect professional judgement.
Counsellors are sworn to secrecy except in special situations where there self harm, harm to others (read duty to protect/duty to warn), child or elderly abuse or when subpoenaed by the court.
Counselling is just listening
For those who think that counselling is easy money (used to be guilty as charged) because all you have to do is listen to your client, how wrong can you be. I used to think that way until I did one “session” with a “client” aka my classmate — and boy it was tiring. Now I understand why the $200/session is justified. To wholeheartedly LISTEN to your client, truly empathise with them and come up with a plan for the goal of therapy is easier said than done.
These are just some of my learnings. If you ask me if I would step into this field, honestly, I would tell you I am not sure and am still thinking if I should (or if I could). Maybe it is because the mark of a good counsellor is so hard to reach. I’ve heard horror stories from friends about what their counsellor said or did in the session and I am not sure if I can ever be a good counsellor. Lastly, the profession of counselling is a helping vocation and it would require genuine care for your client — who could be anyone from all walks of life really — think that annoying friend who thinks he is right every time to your auntie whom you meet once every Christmas. Or even the person who shoved you while boarding the bus. Point is — it takes alot of heart to love the world and it’s people.
Considering that today is World Mental Health Day, i’ll like to salute all counsellors out there and i’ll like to put it out there that it’s not an easy job. Disclaimer: I’m not by any means a counsellor yet or a professional to mental health issues, i’m just a random soul in the internet who’s barely dipped my toes into the world of counselling so take my words with a pinch of salt, cheers!
